she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
