im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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