so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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