Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
