Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just want to make out with him forever
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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