i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
