U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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