Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
