he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
