don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
