Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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