Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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