your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Green mimosas i think yes
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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