I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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