this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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