he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
