you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
