at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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