the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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