i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
