Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
