Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's always time for handjobs
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
