Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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