At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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