Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
