these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
