i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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