you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
