Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
