woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
