Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think your dad took our porno
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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