I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
