When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
