just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
