Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
