1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
