I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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