So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
