There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
