I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
