I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You pole danced in your parka.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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