My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
