There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
