don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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