I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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