So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
