I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
