I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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