I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
