Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
