umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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