I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
