I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
