I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
