dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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