it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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