Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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