it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
